It is not my intention to use this blog as a place to vent work frustrations. However, it is my intention to give an honest account of my experiences in Indonesia, in a way that hopefully allows for and invites discussion. When I first arrived, my experiences were centered around exploration of the area, trying new things and just generally taking it all in. At the moment, my experiences are all about the job, but I am wary about sharing too much: a school environment is the kind of place you have to be in to understand and care about, and I know no-one wants to hear me complaining about a place they have no connection with. I needed to vent yesterday so I did - I was consumed with negative feelings and it wasn't enough to just tell myself to switch off. I needed to feel like someone was listening. But don't worry, I don't plan on making a habit of it. Maybe I should return to just posting photos, haha.
I have the kind of personality that goes through phases of 'the world is f*ing brilliant' followed by 'I'm so tired of feeling happy' and 'shit everything is overwhelming and I can't do anything about the disaster around me'. These feelings are not new to me, and I (think I) am always aware which state I am in, but since moving to a new country and being hit in the face with others' strange behaviours that affect me, and which I have no control over, the glum (and sensitive) side of my personality is struggling to process it all. Today I am happy to report that the cloud of gloominess is lifting, but I'm worried that it's just some kind of denial, keeping me just sane enough to survive until the next drama rears its inevitably ugly head at school.
Deep breath Laura! I promise I will try to avoid such confused ramblings in the future. Sometimes it's just nice to at least feel like someone is listening!
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