Worlds Apart: Part One

In Batam I stand out as a white woman with blonde hair. When I walk down the street I am stared at and pointed out and commented on. Not in an unfriendly way. Just in a "I can't believe she's not brown" kinda way. I do it too. When I see white expats or tourists I have to stop myself from staring, just because they stand out to me. Sometimes it makes me feel uncomfortable to see them because they remind me that I too look different, that I too must look like a tourist and an outsider even though I feel increasingly at home here. To locals, white people are rich. Even if you are not rich, you won't be able to convince them otherwise. If you're white you have money and that's that. After two months here, I am starting to see what they see. When I see a white person, they look wealthy to me, even though I have no idea who they are or what their lives are like. So even though I don't like people assuming I'm wealthy when I'm not, I have to acknowledge that I do look the part in this environment, and that locals' perceptions are not necessarily based in prejudice; rather they just say what they see.

Since moving here I have been back to Singapore twice for visa-renewing purposes. The first time was after I'd been in Batam for one month but it felt like much longer. Sipping on my iced-coffee at the ferry terminal in Singapore, I probably looked ridiculous as I gaped at the large group of westerners on a nearby table. Walking down the street, I suddenly knew how the locals in Batam must feel when they see me, because there were tall brightly shining white people walking down the street acting as if it was something they did all the time...

I accompanied Rex to the German-European School in Singapore to learn about a potential collaboration project between their school and ours. Walking through the gates was like walking into Europe without getting on a plane. Tall white students walking around in rich green polo shirts speaking German. What the...?! 

Last weekend when I returned to Singapore for the  second time, I thought I knew what I was in for but what I ended up with was a surprising collection of thoughts, feelings and impressions about Singapore, about Batam, and about yours truly. More on all that schtuff in Part Two, but to stick to the theme of 'seeing white' for now, I can say that what I saw this time was completely different. Although it remained odd to see so many white people around me, my reaction was not defined by shock or negativity. Rather, this time everyone seemed strangely familiar to me and I kept wondering if others were thinking the same thing when they looked at me. I wanted to smile at them, to somehow acknowledge the vague sense of a connection. I wanted to know their story, to know whether they were tourists or expats, where they were from and where they were going.

Whereas I reacted quite negatively to seeing and hearing so many westerners during my very first weekend in Singapore, this time I got an entirely different impression of Singapore as a place brimming with ethnic diversity. It made me wonder to what extent we (as humans) see what we want to see. Sometimes things stand out to us because they are different from our norms. But sometimes what stands out is what we expect to see, what we somehow want to see. I didn't want to like Singapore, so I saw a place that was too modern and too fast-paced and too white. I didn't want to be labeled as a privileged white woman in a foreign land, but I made just that kind of assumption about the people around me in Singapore. This time I opened my eyes a little more to the true character of the place. Traveling on the MRT, I felt joy as I noticed that I shared the carriage with people from several different cultures. I also had the chance to meet some Singaporeans and learn about  some of the country's rich cultural history and see the place in a new light. 

I will have to make another trip to Singapore soon. I don't know yet what I will see when I get there, but whatever it is I know it'll be colourful :)